


Need Some Time to Find Myself

by nosecrinkle



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel
Genre: Gen, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Recovery, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-09 00:03:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17991050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nosecrinkle/pseuds/nosecrinkle
Summary: ”Sarah,” he said hoarsely. ”She used to sing. She was always singin'.”Tony was the first to visibly relax. He looked to Steve. ”Sarah – he mean your mom?”





	Need Some Time to Find Myself

Rehabilitating a brainwashed assassin was never going to be easy. Getting Clint somewhat back in his own head had been a trial and a half.

Bucky was a different story.

For one, he was a lot more dangerous than Clint.

Sometimes he would just disappear. No one could figure out how he could evade JARVIS. JARVIS was certain Bucky never left the Tower, but he didn't appear to be _in it_ either.

Clint knew the Tower better than anyone and eventually made the discovery that Bucky liked the rafters in the training facility. He was perched up there a lot of the time.

The inhabitants of the Tower all agreed to never show surprise when Bucky showed up; to never make him feel wrong for how he was dealing with it all.

The man was nonverbal, for the most part, so therapy was a ways away yet.

Tony was surprisingly invested in the case. He did what he could to get Bucky more comfortable. It took time, but Bucky accepted Tony's various efforts.

Tony made a list of things Bucky seemed to enjoy and made it readily available to everyone involved.

Bucky liked soft lounge wear, warm baths, sunlight, and music. As opposed to Steve, Bucky liked newer music. He reacted especially well to female vocals. Tony was delighted when it became apparent Bucky's favorite genre was angsty stuff from the nineties.

Tony made a playlist for Bucky and had JARVIS play it quietly through out the Tower. The playlist needed to be edited on and off, but Tony liked music and didn't mind in the slightest. He didn't sleep much anyway.

Of course, Steve did his best to help Bucky in any way that he could, but it was hard. Having him right there, _alive_ , but still, somehow, out of reach. It took its toll. Steve spent more time in therapy than he had previously, trying to deal with it all.

When Bucky started speaking, it was around Steve. He would talk to himself in various languages, so it took a moment for Steve to realize the words were English and directed at him.

It was questions, a lot of the time. And observations. They bonded over how weird the future was. Technology was a central topic. Apparently, seventy years of brainwashing hadn't made Bucky less of a dork. He was very fascinated by smartphones, but was too vary to get his own – surveillance.

So he stole Steve's.

Bruce often compared Bucky to a stray cat he had taken in once. Technically living in the house and no doubt close, but always out of sight.

When Bucky started hanging around the common areas, everyone was collectively happy about the progress, but also on edge because of Bucky's unpredictability. He hadn't hurt anyone since he moved in, but the doubts were still there.

There was an episode, on a Saturday morning in the common living room.

Bucky's playlist was on in the background, Tony was humming along to it mindlessly. Breakfast had turned into brunch, had turned into hanging around, and not doing anything.

Bucky hadn't been there all morning, but since the rest of the Tower was empty, Bucky had decided to find them. He made it a handful of steps into the room before he froze on the spot.

The tension in the room skyrocketed. Every eye in the room was locked onto Bucky.

Bucky wasn't looking at anything, eyes vacant. Though his eyes were vacant, his body was clearly focused.

Tense moments later, Bucky raised his eyes, finding Steve.

”Sarah,” he said hoarsely. ”She used to sing. She was always singin'.”

Almost a minute went by in complete silence. The music sounded deafening in the still room. Steve nodded slowly. ”Yes,” he replied, voice oddly thick.

Tony was the first to visibly relax. He looked to Steve. ”Sarah – he mean your mom?”

Steve closed his eyes and nodded again. ”Yeah.”

Despite asking questions, Bucky was quite obviously somewhere else; not entirely present.

Steve spoke softly. ”She sang once, without thinkin', while Buck was there. She never sang infront of other people, just me. We were reading for school, I think? We were in the kitchen. When she realized – she was horrified. You should've seen his face. He loved it.” Steve was still looking at Bucky.

Putting two and two together, Tony looked with realisation at Bucky. ”The singer – your mom was Irish, right? It's the accent.”

Steve put his head in his hands, breathing slowly. ”Yeah.”

”This song. The voice – who is it?” Bucky asked.

”Dolores O'Riordan,” Tony said.

Everyone was slowly letting their guards down, breathing more freely. Bruce left the room as soon as he realized there wasn't a threat. The rush of adrenaline made him shaky.

When the song finished and another song started up, Bucky frowned at the ceiling.

Tony called out, ”JARVIS, put on an album for me, would you?”

”Any requests, Sir?”

”Cranberries, Everybody Else Is Doing It, please, J.”

The room was flooded with the sound of O'Riordan's voice once again and Bucky visibly relaxed. Tony followed Bucky's short trek to the armchair near the windows with his eyes. Bucky curled up in the plush seat and seemed content enough to just sit there silently.

Tony sat on the couch next to Steve and put a comforting hand on Steve's thigh.

”At least he has a decent taste in music,” he noted.

Steve huffed out a laugh, raising his head enough to see Bucky. ”He used to sing too.”

Tony made a soft sound of surprise.

”He and Ma would sing together. He was always real quiet at home; three sisters, y'know? But when he was with us, he was always talkin', and singin',” Steve rubbed his eyes. ”You shoulda seen my ma when he asked her to dance. He was barely tall enough to hold her, the first time he asked. Ma never went dancing; she couldn't. 'Cause of me. Buck taught her all the new steps, right there, in our kitchen.”

Steve had to take a moment to sniffle and clear his throat. ” _God,_ she was so happy.”

Tony held on to him a little tighter. ”He ever dance with you?”

”'Course,” Steve laughed wetly. ”We couldn't go out dancin' without knowin' the steps. I was real bad, but between him and Ma, they taught me enough to get by.”

”I don't think I've ever seen your mom. What'd she look like?” Tony asked gently.

”Like me. Not so much now, but. Before.”

”Small and skinny?”

Steve smiled. ”She was beautiful, Tony. But very small, yes.”

”Same eyes?”

”Same eyes. I think Buck was a little bit in love with her, when we were kids.”

Tony looked at Bucky. He was still curled up, looking out the window.

”Older women, huh?”

Steve laughed.

 

 

 

 


End file.
